The 18-Year-Old Ass

I’m having what one calls a “working” vacation. It’s not ideal but my desk chair has been replaced by a canopy-style lounger perched in the sand.

As far as the eye can see, the beach is covered with what I refer to as 18-year-old asses. Perfect, upright, smooth and symmetrically proportioned – how did this happen? And it’s important to note, that not all of these rear-views are under the age of 20, which makes it even more amazing to wonder at.

When did I lose my 18-year-old ass? Was it at age 30, 35, 40? My ass was never perfect but it was pretty darn good – smallish, rounded, and looked nice enough in jeans.

At some point, despite my working out, it decided to slowly merge with my thigh and become my butt-thigh – a new body part that blends together two worlds that are supposed to stay divided, F-O-R-E-V-E-R. Unfortunately, both negotiated to join forces and unify they did.

I don’t begrudge those who still own a perfect 18, I simply envy them for their upright position while they still have it. As for the rest of us, nothing a little Spanx can’t shape, lift and love.