Two years ago, I decided to get divorced.
Married for 15 years, and feeling like it was now or never, I took the plunge. In a high paying, high profile, high-falutin’ job, I hired a too highly-paid lawyer and quickly sank my cash savings into trying to get out of my marriage. As the breadwinner, paying for everything, spending too much on therapists, parent coordinators and the useless back and forth of he said she said, I put a halt to it all six months into the proceedings.
I moved out of my coveted, under market value rental apartment on a beautiful block in NYC with the goal of calming down the proceedings. My intention was to get back there after moving my husband out.
Three moves later, I have a tiny new apartment and am starting a new job. Still technically married, living separately and filing jointly, I’m paying off debt from a 401k loan I took before I lost my job to pay legal fees incurred in the unresolved dispute. I have 17 more payments to go, when that’s done I’ll go to the least expensive online divorce I can find and finish the process.
My not-husband and I are friendly. Living apart has done wonders. He is less critical, I’m less resentful. Life is calmer, I’m wiser and I’ve learned many more ways to manage my emotions. My mantra is: pay attention, observe it, then let go.